Thursday, April 2, 2009

Why is it so hard to date in New York?

This question came up on a forum I visit. I must say at first I felt the question was condescending ( i still do, well not the question in its self but the way in which it was asked) but it is a valid question. New York is no different then many other places when it comes to dating. Same issues just more people to have them.

It's like how can you live in a country of countless opportunity, the riches country in the world and NOT be rich, all things are possible. I agree New York is a melting pot of people. I call New York the "single capital of the world" jokingly. I can give a million reasons as to why i am single and point them all to the men and what they do wrong but i must look at myself first.

For the past year and some change I haven't been true and honest to myself. I allowed myself to settle and I didn't really value my worth. Something serious happened to me and it caused me to re-evaluate my life and even though i did i found myself falling right back into the same conformity as i did before. This hindered me from dating. something I hate (dating) so I saw nothing wrong with it, i was just fine ( at least i thought). I was comfortable with the "right now" instead of the future. I was thinking about instant gratification ( not sexual) instead of long term goals.

Yes i get approached often but does that mean i should take every man that approaches me name and number? I get approached everyday i leave my house, I am flattered but i know what I like, its rare that i find someone I am attracted to. When i do find someone I'm attracted to i have to look past the physical and get into much more important areas and that is when the fall flat.
My 3 year on and off relationship ended in turmoil, towards the end it was hard and brutal, he became bigger the us and i hung on for dear life. When it was over I wanted anything but a relationship, so i was comfortable with being "single". Now that I'm open to dating I look out at what's before. I realize that my standards are high, 1 reason ( the most important reason) is my child. whomever I bring into my life has to be a good person for my son also because at some point he has to meet him and they have to be apart of each others life.

The men I see are looking for "Friends" or they have very little things going on in their lives. Some are also very young. Other men i meet have commitment issues, or relationship issues.
New York is a place of glitz and glamor most people wants to" party like a rock star and screw like a porn star" commitment seems to be a thing of the past. With that being said I am sure HE is out there for me. HE may be right in front of my face. He may be in another state. HE may be in another country, but i know HE is out there. I'm patient :-)

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