Silly me

So because I am sick and tired of wearing flats and I THOUGHT my toe was better i attempted to wear a pair of "loose" fitting heels last night out to dinner with my boo. I threw a pair of flats in my purse for "precautionary measures". I got as far as from my place to the car and i felt the pain. I wanted to cry. Not from the pain of my toe but from the fact that I am still not ready to wear heels. I'm going through heel withdrawal and i don't know how much longer I can take it. *sigh this cant be life*

New Year, New Job

SO i am going back to pre-school.lol
well i will be starting my new job this January, I will be back at preschool which i think is my real passion. I do feel that preschool teachers are under appreciated and underpaid but it's what i love. It's in brooklyn which i tried my best not to work in but i guess i see how it goes.
Wish me the best :-D

My online journal

I have decided to use this blog like my online journal. I am going to get back on track with posting. i think the more personal i make it the better i will be in keeping up with it. I will still add some fashion/gossip/ and craziness,lol.

My day today was pretty ok, i went to get a follow up from the neurologist and had to leave. He has to be the slowest doctor ever. my appointment was at 9:30am and by 11 he had not even called one of his 8am patients. I was pissed and rescheduled my appointment.

While at the doctor i encountered this woman who stood right in front of me. I know you may be saying " whats wrong with that' but this lady was damn near touching me that's how close she was. I felt me personal space was violated. When i decided to move and not make a huge deal about it i glanced over to find her looking at me as if I did something to her. People these days have nerve.

I am about to get ready to head to my second concert for the week. I am not super excited but i will hope for the best. it is an "80's baby" concert. a couple of old school artist are suppose to be there. wish me luck! pictures will come soon ( of course).lol

So sorry

I have NOT been a very good blogger. i have been traveling and being lazy. thinking about life. I will try to blog daily, i mean how do i expect to keep ppl involved right? I hope all is well for those that read. Thanks again for supporting.

THE PROMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

A day of well dressed ADULTS drinking, dancing and Enjoying the night.
congrats to all the 2009 graduates!!!

The true definition of a "friend"

This is something i feel many people misconstrue. Knowing someone for x amount of years does not automatically make someone your friend. Hanging out with someone on ocassion ( specifically on at the club) does not make some one automatically your friend. Actually let me rephrase... does not make someone automatically MY friend. I have many people in my life but a very limited about of friends. My true friends and i are really nothing like one another ( odd right). I think that's what keeps the friendship thriving. The idea that we are almost completely different YET we still have a strong connection.
My friends
have been through think and thin with me.
The don't judge me even if they may disagree with me.
They know me better then anyone ( or so they think, lol).
They know i am the PMS queen, my attitude is a mile a minute but my love is quadruple that.
Makes the same sacrifices for me that I make for them.
Keeps me sane and level headed
Tells me the truth even when they know i may NOT want to hear it.
Doesn't turn their back on me even when i make them mad
I love my Friends very few people get that title. My friends are my extended family.

Just thinking

As i sit here i think about the boundaries i had to jump in my life and the many that i still am in the process of jumping. I wonder how my life would be if..., there is always an if. I am greatful that i never had to struggle even when i have had my LOW days. I am grateful that I have a mom who supports any and every decision I have made. As times go on I can only see things getting better. i live my life to make my sons future better then my past and my moms life easier. The day i buy my mom a house will be the best day of my life. The funny thing is, I think more about buying her a house then i do for my self.

I have given up shopping for a month,

Maybe even longer. The only exception is if some CL's go on sale, lol. is it bad i refuse to pay full price for them? i will pay 300,330 tops, i have to be realistic especially seeing how i am not a repeat offender with shoes very often.

Ok, back on topic. I am trying to save. I want to move again by September and this time it will be more permanent. My landlord is a prick and i want OUT!!! Also, there are many more things i want to do. Opening my business is one of them things and I want to get a loan for as small of an amount as possible.
So save i will... Pray for me...

hello my name is.... and im a shopaholic....

FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Uhhh yeah so i look a little crazy in the freeze frame,lmao

When family is Just that...

At times i envy the lives and family of others. The function that they have. the togetherness that I see. That is something I feel is lacking in my family. Dysfunction 101. I love the member that belong but many i do not like. At times I feel like an outcast because I have different ideals and ideas of life. I strive to be the opposite of what i witnessed growing up. I strive to give my son the best and to have the best role models in his life. My mother is my #1 role model. She has always done her best to put family first even the the fires and storms. She has the biggest heart in the world and with out her I wouldn't be where I am.
Is there a law somewhere that says family must be friends? A phone call here and there, a visit now and again but i don't think i can have too much of various members. Some are only meant to love from a distance. *sigh* does that make me a bad person?

mothersday weekend

Why do we devalue ourselves as women but expect men to value us?

I write this because it is something i have been witnessing myself and have honestly experienced myself. Women who are in "half" relationships. I am not speaking of those who are willing and wanting these relationships, i'm talking about those who are in them but want more. Why are we putting the mans needs before our own? and YES if you want more but he doesn't YET you are giving yourself to him you are putting HIS needs before YOURS.

Why is it that when some women want a "man" they are ok with someone they occasionally go out on dates with and frequently sleep with? Then they complain that they want more. It is much harder to turn THAT into a real relationship. ever heard the term " Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free"?

Why is it that some women feel the NEED a man in order to feel validated? I find myself asking these questions to myself and realizing that I have come to the point where I have had a yearning for a man BUT never really thought it out, never really looked at what that man was going to contribute to my life, how was he going to better my life and if it was even possible for him to do so. After getting pass his looks what would i enjoy about him. While I am very selective and don't date a lot but i must admit when i do decide to date I don't really ask myself these questions I have made a decision to be by myself no dating, no man, no relationship physical or otherwise ( besides friends) for at least 3 months starting today. It was a hard decision to make since i was dating some one but i need to find ME.

I feel we as women need to know, cherish and love themselves before we embark on a relationship with a man. I always hear, why and i single, and i wish i had a man, and things of that nature but do we women ever really want to know the answers to those questions. Do we dig deep down inside to figure out the answers to all of our whys. Are we setting standards but allowing the men we deal with to fall below the standards because they are cute and/or their pipe game is good?

Right now i am looking for husband material, a man that will look at me in a way he never looks at anyone else. a man that can see my worth beyond my curves ( while they are limited they are still there,lol). Some Women put more into picking out an outfit then they do a man.

I have 3 projects that I am working on that i need to put all of my energy into and having this me time will help me do that. it will be my focus besides my son. Plus i graduate in may and i am beyond excited.
Wish me luck!

New word orrrrr expression or....

SO i usually start a lot of what i say off with SO if u review my blog you will probably see that. i often pick up new words, sayings and or expressions. AHHHHHH is my new thing. so if u see it a lot know it is just something i have picked up. Not sure from where but i have caught myself saying it. So I apologize in advance if it will annoy you, lol.

I need to either gain weight OR walk with heavy bags as my mom would say

The weather in New York was HORRIBLE yesterday. I went out in that weather and was damn near blown away. I had a purse and another bag and i was trying to hold my giant umbrella, ( yes all while wearing heels). there were about 4 occasions when the wind too me in the opposite direction of my desired path. Some times the wind made me pick up my pace.lol.

My mom always calls me to make sure i'm OK when its windy out, i find it funny. she swears i will be taken away. My fear is I will get pushed into the street and hit by a car :-(. Me against the Wind... I have won thus far but it has been a hell of a fight.lol

Life after death

In the aftermath of my uncles death i realized that life is indeed too short. There are so many things in life that i want to do but have put off b/c of fear or the idea of failing. I always say " nothing tried nothing failed" but i haven't been living by that lately. So i am going to set forward and do the things that i want to do and try to push my fears to the side.

As we laid my uncle to rest and celebrated his life so many things were happening, I was reunited with family and i met family members that i never knew i had. It was such an bitter sweet experience but it made me realize i need to visit and see my family more often. Just because we are scattered all over the US doesn't mean we cant come together outside of death.

I just want to share

Today April 12th My Uncle passed away. He was my mother remaining living brother ( she had 4). My uncle Freddie was a very funny, loving, highly respected man. Things happened so fast. He was diagnosed with Cancer and from that day it all went down hill, he went from being diagnosed to, given 6 months to a year to live, to having to be put on a machine to help him breath, then falling into a coma. and Today passing away. All of this happened in a 2 week span. I woke up this morning headed to the hospital with this ill feeling. Part of me knew this would be the day. Unconsciously i wore all black. As I walked the the halls I knew something was wrong. I met a friend of the family who tells me he is gone.

I am going to see a lot of my family within the coming weeks. What is so sad about it is i haven't seen most of them for 7 years. When my first cousin ( whom i called my uncle) My uncles son passed. I questioned why is it that I only see a lot of my family when death has rocked up. I made a promise to my self for that to end.

I strongly stress, when feeling ill, go to the doctor. My uncle had said to some that he wasn't feeling well for quite a while. That is why he went so fast. In the end i think he wanted to go soon instead of putting his sister ( my mom) and his children through watching him die. Please take care of you self, make sure your health is good.
Thanks for reading....

This is me... Take me how i am or not at all.

Even as a child i was a little "different" I was never apart of the "norm" never wanted to be in the "incrowd" but for some reason I knew everyone in the "incrowd". I have always been looked at with a side eye, weather it was my hair style or my outfit choice. one day I will have a fro the next a pony tail and the next a long weave, thats me.

I have never aspired to be like anyone, dont have fashion icons never had hair icons, i just like what I like. I dont conform to what is in nor do I "try" to be different. My thinking is, if you try hard to be different aren't you like everyone else TRYING to be different?

Living in the world and specifically New York you have to have a back bone and a tough exterior even if you are crying on the inside. People will talk ESPECIALLY if you have something they want. I walk pass and see many whisper and i know its about me i smile and keep it moving b/c i will continue to be me.

At 29 years old i never thought drama, chit chat, gossip, and even she said she said would exist in my world, but sadly it does. Of course at first when u realize you are the center of gossip you feel a sharp pain, but i compare it to a slap. It stings at first but its kind of irrelevant so it wears off after a while. I get over things easy a) because it doesn't alter my world b) im still me and c) its not that serious. I wish more people would live like that because i see so many people especially women that allow gossip to affect them. I am me and will not change for anyone so accept me as i am or not at all!